I have gone through times when I have been exhausted and overwhelmed with a baby on my hip (or breast) and desperately needing help from my husband but had a hard time asking so I would just get irritated because he couldn't read my mind and know I needed his help or go completely against the laws of nature and just spontaneously offer to help me. But when I finally asked him he would gladly do what ever I needed. Over the years, I've made peace with the fact that I'm going to (almost always) have to ask for his help . Maybe some of you ladies are blessed enough to have a super domestically conscientious husband that just senses when things need to be done but from talking with friends, that's not the norm so count yourself lucky.
I am not afraid to "rock the boat" and say what I feel, I'm not a bitchy, nagging wife, I just let my husband know how I'm feeling, good or bad. This works for us because he knows he can do the same and that way we are never guessing how each other feels. I found that the few times I've "stuffed it" and didn't tell him what was bugging me it just created a bigger problem that usually resulted in an argument. I don't have the time or energy to fight with my husband, it's no fun and it sets a bad example for our kids so we try our hardest to avoid it from happening. My husband and I are constantly being interrupted from whatever conversation we may be attempting to have with each other, this can get frustrating. So when we're feeling "out of touch", he and I have "stay at home dates" where we get take out and just enjoy being at home together alone, able to talk to each other uninterrupted or watch a movie that isn't rated G. It gives us a chance to reconnect without spending a lot of money or being around a bunch of people we don't know.
As parents, we teach our kids how to talk which in turn helps them build a solid foundation for communicating with others. Sometimes we forget that we're "on stage" 24/7 which means our children are always watching us and soaking it all in. Have you ever seen one of your kids use a mannerism that is scarily familiar or a tone you find yourself using (maybe too often)? If we're quiet and mellow our kids will tend to be the same, if we're prone to raising our voices chances are our kids will do the same. I know this because I've seen both results in my home. Notice I used the words tend and chances are, it's not always guaranteed, I have been in a fine mellow mood and had my daughter wake up in a snit for no apparent reason. The hardest part for me is not getting sucked into their yelling, whining or general bad mood,I've found it only makes things worse. Maintaining an even tone when your child is going off the rails can take a lot of patience, so I take a breath and find away for them to cool down. Sometimes it works and sometimes they need a "break" in their rooms but eventually it subsides. The main thing for me is having my kids know that they can come to me and tell me anything, I think this will come in handy when they're teenagers (hope, hope).
Being a mother can be a very isolating experience at times and let's face it, just because you're a mom and the woman sitting near you at the park is a mom doesn't mean you're going to be friends. Making friends is hard and when you're a mom, keeping them is harder. There are so many more elements to a friendship now compared to when you were in your 20's and single. Your places in life, parenting styles, kids getting along, conflicting schedules, etc. But if you're lucky enough to meet someone that you really click with I say to do everything you can to stay in touch and see each other whenever possible. Life tends to get hectic and if you haven't had time to see or talk with your friends just let them know what's up, that way there is no confusion or hurt feelings. In this day and age of so many forms of communication there should be no excuse for "dropping off the face of the earth", a little text or Facebook message could go along way. Real talking and meeting up face to face is definitely the best, but not always feasible. I've said it before and I'll say it again, sometimes I feel like a new person when I've had a good coffee session with a friend, it's so important to have that type of connection. Maintaining friendships with other women helps me feel like a woman, not just a wife and mother. I feel super blessed to have my husband and my children in my life but I still feel like I need to have a part of me, just for me. As a mother, I want to set an example for my kids by showing them that I can maintain healthy, authentic lines of communication with the people in my life.
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