Rolling with It

Life, in general has a tendency to throw curve balls but motherhood definitely keeps me on my toes.  As I type this my son is "healing" on the couch after a nasty bout of the stomach flu, a flu that has left me homebound whether I like it or not. I'm "rolling with it", I feel terrible that he feels terrible. Don't get me wrong, I didn't  have a smile plastered on my face when I had to scrape his throw up off the toilet seat LID at 11:00 last night, but I've accepted the fact that  this is what's going on right now. As mothers we are constantly having to step up to the plate and do what has to get done, no matter what and it's not always an easy thing to do. I feel like it's my duty to defend, protect, teach and nurture my kids every moment of every day,and that's what I do (as best as I can). I'm not some kind of "zen mama" that has total serenity and an endless stream of patience, I'm human and a somewhat tired one at that. I lose my cool and feel at the end of my rope especially when I'm being put to the test with sick kids or a stack of bills and not enough money to pay them. This is real life! Problems, troubles and challenges blow in like a storm but the good thing is that the skies eventually clear and the sun comes out. Being a mom  is not for the faint of heart , you have to be strong to be good at it. Let's face it, we're not all strong all of the time so when I'm feeling weak or just over it all I try to take a breath, make it better and move on. There's no book out there called "Here's How to Deal with Everything Your Kids and Your Life Throw at You When You're Feeling Tired, Stressed and a Little Fat" so.... we have to walk blindly through this mom thing and do our best and listen to our gut. If you're worried about if you're doing a good job, you probably are or you wouldn't be worrying about it!

Ahh Sweet Sleep , you allude me.

Most women know that when they step into the role of mother a good night's sleep will be a distant memory but I was not aware of the fact that sleep disruptions would last for years to come. My children are 4 and 7 years of age and I am still woken at night by one or the other without fail. A good night's sleep is like Christmas, it only comes around once a year (for the most part).

Most mothers have learned to just function on less sleep, that's all fine and good in theory but there are several negative effects of sleep deprivation on our mind and body that should be taken seriously. Here are few  that I found in my research of online articles:

- Elevated cortisol levels
- Increase in anxiety
- Decrease in coping skills, decision making ability and judgment
- Lowers your immune system and libido

Elevated Cortisol
So if you're one of those moms out there sweating your butt off at the gym and watching what you eat and still can't seem to  drop those extra pounds  lack of quality sleep may be the culprit. Sleep deprivation  throws your body into survival mode because you're not getting enough rest to rejuvenate your mind and body.  During times of high stress whether it is work related or a personal  will also ramp up those cortisol levels making it very difficult to lose weight, especially in the stomach area.

Increased Anxiety
I think a certain level of anxiety comes with the territory when you're a mother.It is common for a mother to worry about your children's health and well being. However, through personal experience, due to stress and lack of sleep I suffered times of high anxiety fearing for my own health and mortality, scared I had a terminal disease and wouldn't be around to care for my children. I would be read an article on  something or watch a gut wrenching episode of Grey's Anatomy and next thing I knew I would be convinced I had some form of skin cancer. What I really should have been doing is getting the sleep I needed to rid myself of the anxiety I had.

Decreased Coping Skills, Decision Making Ability and Judgment
I don't know about you but my children (and my husband) have the keen ability to drive me to distraction and tend to gnaw on my last nerve in a way no one else can. Partially, because I love them with every fiber of my being. I have found that when I'm "running on empty" the ability to deal my kid's messy room or high volume bickering  is almost impossible. I'd get short with my kids or my husband and feel terrible about it. I would find myself  having a hard time finishing things I started and forget things or events. This was not a good way to be! Giving my mind and body the rest it needs to sharpen up for the next day became essential. To be a happy, patient and supportive mom and wife we need sleep!

Lowers Immune System and Libido
Are you laughing or saying duh?! Of course. As stated before sleep is essential to keeping our mind and body refreshed and strong. If I took a poll I would guess that most moms would rather sleep than have sex and not because they lack love for their partner but because the level of desire is not there due to a constant state of exhaustion. I still live my life on less quality sleep than I'd want so I supplement with vitamins/ herbs and eating nutrient rich foods to keep my immune strong. As far as the sex goes I truly believe it is not something that can fall to the wayside, your relationship/marriage will suffer. Pick a different time of the day when your energy level is stronger. Exercise is also a huge help to increasing your energy and stamina. I'll discuss exercise in greater depth on a future blog.

I know you or I can't just snap our fingers and get a solid block of uninterrupted sleep. The reality is when don't really have control over how are kids will sleep. But... we can do certain things to increase the chances of a good night. Establish and stick to a nightly routine: dinner, bath,and  bed time. This is super important and sometimes hard to do. I have found that a huge part of parenting is about self discipline. Limiting sugar intake close to bedtime is a good thing to remember as well. I have to really give my daughter quality snuggle time before bed or she's asking to lay with me around 2 am. All in all, I'm sharing my thoughts and experiences on this and putting it out there so mom's can be aware of the importance of getting solid blocks of sleep time. Nighty, night!

The Neglected Mother

In talking with fellow moms near and far I have come to realize there is a serious case of  The Neglected Mother and it's reaching epidemic proportions. I see tons of parenting magazines out there and they may have a small (8 pages tops) section devoted to the care of the mother. This is not enough! I don't know about you but when I'm tired, frustrated or stressed out this effects my ability to function let alone parent . We all know that being a good mom is a selfless act but that does not mean that we need to become less of ourselves! Motherhood is supposed to enhance not deplete us as women. But it happens everyday. First off we need to give ourselves permission to care for ourselves. Sleep, healthy food, exercise and connections with others are all Basic Needs we provide for our children but not for us. Going to the gym to work out for an hour should not result in feelings of guilt or meeting a friend for coffee does not make you a bad mom. In fact it will make you a better mom!

I would like to use this blog as a tool to focus on each of the Basic Needs and how to apply them in our lives in a practical way. A happy, healthy mom equals happy, healthy kids.