As a child, teenager and adult I have accumulated a vast array of vivid memories and happy times, feeling free and excited. Pool hopping with my friends in the summer, winter holidays and just laid back times hanging out with friends. My life has drastically changed over the last decade, I have taken on the new roles of wife and mother and with that comes new joys and new fears. I sometimes find myself wondering when was the last time I felt "light" or carefree? I tend to take on most of the responsibilities and concerns of my household and our children, this causes me to feel not so light or carefree. I'm so blessed to have a wonderful husband and 2 great kids but there are times when I wonder if I will ever recapture those feelings of my younger years. Will I ever not feel stressed out or weighed down by the concerns of everyday life and actually feel relaxed?
I came to the conclusion that it's not realistic for me to be search of that "old feeling", I'm not the same person and the circumstances will never be the same as they were when I was 15 or 19 or 25. I've realized that the way my life is now has it's own set of possibilities for fun times and happy memories. One of our family's favorite things to do is spend time at my in laws place on the lake, it's a chance for us to get away from it all and really connect as a family, not many rules are enforced because we're there to have FUN. Sitting on a quiet piece of beach, reading a book or listening to music and watching the kids content playing in the water is relaxing! This is a moment I hang onto and it gives me hope to know I do have the ability to feel relaxed and "light", but as a mom I need to seek it out and be open enough to recognize it when it's happening. One thing I have noticed over the years is that as a mom, I need to be proactive and create pockets of time to have fun or kick back it doesn't just "happen" like it did when I was younger. I arrange time to spend with my husband or friends, my life is too busy for it to just spontaneously happen. It's kinda sad but it's just the way it is and rather than fighting it, I've accepted it and worked with it.
The fact is, my life is filled with responsibilities, concerns and people counting on me but I don't need to let it consume my every thought and feeling 24/7. For my sake and the sake of my family and friends, I need to create a balance and embrace those little moments of "ahhh feelings".
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