One of my kid's favorite things to do is ask me for something I would normally say no to when I'm on the phone talking to someone. "Can I have a bowl of mini marshmallows?" "Can you buy me a toy next time we go to the store?" I've actually found myself giving my daughter a (small) bowl of marshmallows just so I could get back to my conversation with someone I haven't seen or talked to in 5 years. That is a classic case of seriously lacking in self discipline. My point is, my children (and sometimes my husband) will never stop trying to see how far I'll bend before I break, they're not bad kids (husband) it's just in their nature to see what they can get away with before I drop the proverbial hammer. If any of this rings true for you my advice is to pick your battles, we're too damn tired and busy to be fighting and debating all of the time, so pick what means most to you and stick with that. It'll be tough at first but eventually they will see you're not messing around and maybe someday they will realize you did it because you love them.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The Self Discipline of Discipline
Getting my children to listen to me once in a while is monumental feat. I'm guessing some of you mamas out there can probably relate? For me, the trick isn't always in getting my children to do what I ask it's me having the resolve to continue to expect it. I tell my daughter during the day that she can not come lay in my bed in the middle of the night but when 1 am rolls around and she is at the side of my bed asking to lay with me it is SO much easier to pull back the blankets and let snuggle up until she falls asleep. Is this sending her the wrong message? Probably, but in the wee hours of the morning I'm not up for a debate or even totally awake. Being a mother is a constant test of self discipline not just with the kids but with ourselves, eating the right food not succumbing to the wrong food or getting everything done that needs to get done while the kids are at school, when all you want to do is veg out on the couch and watch the latest episode of Parenthood on your DVR, in peace and quiet.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Rolling with It
Life, in general has a tendency to throw curve balls but motherhood definitely keeps me on my toes. As I type this my son is "healing" on the couch after a nasty bout of the stomach flu, a flu that has left me homebound whether I like it or not. I'm "rolling with it", I feel terrible that he feels terrible. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have a smile plastered on my face when I had to scrape his throw up off the toilet seat LID at 11:00 last night, but I've accepted the fact that this is what's going on right now. As mothers we are constantly having to step up to the plate and do what has to get done, no matter what and it's not always an easy thing to do. I feel like it's my duty to defend, protect, teach and nurture my kids every moment of every day,and that's what I do (as best as I can). I'm not some kind of "zen mama" that has total serenity and an endless stream of patience, I'm human and a somewhat tired one at that. I lose my cool and feel at the end of my rope especially when I'm being put to the test with sick kids or a stack of bills and not enough money to pay them. This is real life! Problems, troubles and challenges blow in like a storm but the good thing is that the skies eventually clear and the sun comes out. Being a mom is not for the faint of heart , you have to be strong to be good at it. Let's face it, we're not all strong all of the time so when I'm feeling weak or just over it all I try to take a breath, make it better and move on. There's no book out there called "Here's How to Deal with Everything Your Kids and Your Life Throw at You When You're Feeling Tired, Stressed and a Little Fat" so.... we have to walk blindly through this mom thing and do our best and listen to our gut. If you're worried about if you're doing a good job, you probably are or you wouldn't be worrying about it!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Ahh Sweet Sleep , you allude me.
Most women know that when they step into the role of mother a good night's sleep will be a distant memory but I was not aware of the fact that sleep disruptions would last for years to come. My children are 4 and 7 years of age and I am still woken at night by one or the other without fail. A good night's sleep is like Christmas, it only comes around once a year (for the most part).
Most mothers have learned to just function on less sleep, that's all fine and good in theory but there are several negative effects of sleep deprivation on our mind and body that should be taken seriously. Here are few that I found in my research of online articles:
- Elevated cortisol levels
- Increase in anxiety
- Decrease in coping skills, decision making ability and judgment
- Lowers your immune system and libido
Elevated Cortisol
So if you're one of those moms out there sweating your butt off at the gym and watching what you eat and still can't seem to drop those extra pounds lack of quality sleep may be the culprit. Sleep deprivation throws your body into survival mode because you're not getting enough rest to rejuvenate your mind and body. During times of high stress whether it is work related or a personal will also ramp up those cortisol levels making it very difficult to lose weight, especially in the stomach area.
Increased Anxiety
I think a certain level of anxiety comes with the territory when you're a mother.It is common for a mother to worry about your children's health and well being. However, through personal experience, due to stress and lack of sleep I suffered times of high anxiety fearing for my own health and mortality, scared I had a terminal disease and wouldn't be around to care for my children. I would be read an article on something or watch a gut wrenching episode of Grey's Anatomy and next thing I knew I would be convinced I had some form of skin cancer. What I really should have been doing is getting the sleep I needed to rid myself of the anxiety I had.
Decreased Coping Skills, Decision Making Ability and Judgment
I don't know about you but my children (and my husband) have the keen ability to drive me to distraction and tend to gnaw on my last nerve in a way no one else can. Partially, because I love them with every fiber of my being. I have found that when I'm "running on empty" the ability to deal my kid's messy room or high volume bickering is almost impossible. I'd get short with my kids or my husband and feel terrible about it. I would find myself having a hard time finishing things I started and forget things or events. This was not a good way to be! Giving my mind and body the rest it needs to sharpen up for the next day became essential. To be a happy, patient and supportive mom and wife we need sleep!
Lowers Immune System and Libido
Are you laughing or saying duh?! Of course. As stated before sleep is essential to keeping our mind and body refreshed and strong. If I took a poll I would guess that most moms would rather sleep than have sex and not because they lack love for their partner but because the level of desire is not there due to a constant state of exhaustion. I still live my life on less quality sleep than I'd want so I supplement with vitamins/ herbs and eating nutrient rich foods to keep my immune strong. As far as the sex goes I truly believe it is not something that can fall to the wayside, your relationship/marriage will suffer. Pick a different time of the day when your energy level is stronger. Exercise is also a huge help to increasing your energy and stamina. I'll discuss exercise in greater depth on a future blog.
I know you or I can't just snap our fingers and get a solid block of uninterrupted sleep. The reality is when don't really have control over how are kids will sleep. But... we can do certain things to increase the chances of a good night. Establish and stick to a nightly routine: dinner, bath,and bed time. This is super important and sometimes hard to do. I have found that a huge part of parenting is about self discipline. Limiting sugar intake close to bedtime is a good thing to remember as well. I have to really give my daughter quality snuggle time before bed or she's asking to lay with me around 2 am. All in all, I'm sharing my thoughts and experiences on this and putting it out there so mom's can be aware of the importance of getting solid blocks of sleep time. Nighty, night!
Most mothers have learned to just function on less sleep, that's all fine and good in theory but there are several negative effects of sleep deprivation on our mind and body that should be taken seriously. Here are few that I found in my research of online articles:
- Elevated cortisol levels
- Increase in anxiety
- Decrease in coping skills, decision making ability and judgment
- Lowers your immune system and libido
Elevated Cortisol
So if you're one of those moms out there sweating your butt off at the gym and watching what you eat and still can't seem to drop those extra pounds lack of quality sleep may be the culprit. Sleep deprivation throws your body into survival mode because you're not getting enough rest to rejuvenate your mind and body. During times of high stress whether it is work related or a personal will also ramp up those cortisol levels making it very difficult to lose weight, especially in the stomach area.
Increased Anxiety
I think a certain level of anxiety comes with the territory when you're a mother.It is common for a mother to worry about your children's health and well being. However, through personal experience, due to stress and lack of sleep I suffered times of high anxiety fearing for my own health and mortality, scared I had a terminal disease and wouldn't be around to care for my children. I would be read an article on something or watch a gut wrenching episode of Grey's Anatomy and next thing I knew I would be convinced I had some form of skin cancer. What I really should have been doing is getting the sleep I needed to rid myself of the anxiety I had.
Decreased Coping Skills, Decision Making Ability and Judgment
I don't know about you but my children (and my husband) have the keen ability to drive me to distraction and tend to gnaw on my last nerve in a way no one else can. Partially, because I love them with every fiber of my being. I have found that when I'm "running on empty" the ability to deal my kid's messy room or high volume bickering is almost impossible. I'd get short with my kids or my husband and feel terrible about it. I would find myself having a hard time finishing things I started and forget things or events. This was not a good way to be! Giving my mind and body the rest it needs to sharpen up for the next day became essential. To be a happy, patient and supportive mom and wife we need sleep!
Lowers Immune System and Libido
Are you laughing or saying duh?! Of course. As stated before sleep is essential to keeping our mind and body refreshed and strong. If I took a poll I would guess that most moms would rather sleep than have sex and not because they lack love for their partner but because the level of desire is not there due to a constant state of exhaustion. I still live my life on less quality sleep than I'd want so I supplement with vitamins/ herbs and eating nutrient rich foods to keep my immune strong. As far as the sex goes I truly believe it is not something that can fall to the wayside, your relationship/marriage will suffer. Pick a different time of the day when your energy level is stronger. Exercise is also a huge help to increasing your energy and stamina. I'll discuss exercise in greater depth on a future blog.
I know you or I can't just snap our fingers and get a solid block of uninterrupted sleep. The reality is when don't really have control over how are kids will sleep. But... we can do certain things to increase the chances of a good night. Establish and stick to a nightly routine: dinner, bath,and bed time. This is super important and sometimes hard to do. I have found that a huge part of parenting is about self discipline. Limiting sugar intake close to bedtime is a good thing to remember as well. I have to really give my daughter quality snuggle time before bed or she's asking to lay with me around 2 am. All in all, I'm sharing my thoughts and experiences on this and putting it out there so mom's can be aware of the importance of getting solid blocks of sleep time. Nighty, night!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Neglected Mother
In talking with fellow moms near and far I have come to realize there is a serious case of The Neglected Mother and it's reaching epidemic proportions. I see tons of parenting magazines out there and they may have a small (8 pages tops) section devoted to the care of the mother. This is not enough! I don't know about you but when I'm tired, frustrated or stressed out this effects my ability to function let alone parent . We all know that being a good mom is a selfless act but that does not mean that we need to become less of ourselves! Motherhood is supposed to enhance not deplete us as women. But it happens everyday. First off we need to give ourselves permission to care for ourselves. Sleep, healthy food, exercise and connections with others are all Basic Needs we provide for our children but not for us. Going to the gym to work out for an hour should not result in feelings of guilt or meeting a friend for coffee does not make you a bad mom. In fact it will make you a better mom!
I would like to use this blog as a tool to focus on each of the Basic Needs and how to apply them in our lives in a practical way. A happy, healthy mom equals happy, healthy kids.
I would like to use this blog as a tool to focus on each of the Basic Needs and how to apply them in our lives in a practical way. A happy, healthy mom equals happy, healthy kids.
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